sober-at-a-bar

How sobriety has changed me

It’s story time once again! Before you even read this post, I want to clarify: I’m not judging anyone.

Most people I mention in this post are my friends and I have nothing against them or their own personal choices. In this post, I’m just sharing my thoughts about me being sober at a party and how sobriety has overall changed the way a think about alcohol.

 

A while ago I was at my friend’s house-warming party. It was nice and relaxed with just few friends filling up the little 30 square feet apartment. As a Finnish party, there was alcohol involved. If you have read my other post, you know I’ve touched the topic about me not drinking anymore. Which is really huge ’cause I used to drink a lot… I’m gonna do a whole other post about all the benefits when I’ve really discovered all the aspects of being without alcohol. But now, since being over 7 month sober, I think could share some thoughts about it.

But back to the party: I wasn’t supposed to be the only one sober. Another friend was on antibiotics and thought that she couldn’t drink either. Cutting the story short, she did drink eventually, so I was left alone. Nothing odd about that and from the beginning, I was in that mind-set of being the only one without alcohol.

So as people got drunk or tipsy, it was interesting to see how people started to change a bit. I’ve been out partying before without alcohol but this time I really observed how people started to react to things and talking with one another. My friends and some new buddies I met there for the first time, were really in good shape. Not in that teenage “I really don’t know what’s going on”- vibe . But even though their words didn’t stumble and nobody threw up, there was something weird going down…

sober-partying-roska

The pushing of alcohol. Social pressure is the key why people get drunk or even start drinking in the first place. I don’t think we can argue long about that. First it was fun joke that everyone needed to take a shot as a welcome toast but one of my friend said that she didn’t like the taste. It made her sick to her stomach. Really not the alcohol but the taste. But they pushed and pushed her. Why?

She did take the shot and went straight to the bathroom. Complained that she was feeling bad. Why did they push her? Why did she drank it? I didn’t quite understand.

Same goes for that other friend who wasn’t going to drink at all. But the pressure of others made her do it. If I would ask her now, she’d probably say that she did for herself and not for other people. I’d believe her. Who would want to stay sober at a party?

 

The other thing I noticed that people got upset. I feel that everything goes under your skin when you drink. At least I know from my own experience that when I drank, I would get emotional, violent and hurt over little things. Like usually when I go out, people comment on my appearance or other things and my friends get really protective over me. I find it really sweet but I can sense the need for drama in their eyes. They want to have a fight. They want to feel that they are right and others are wrong. When I’m sober, I feel compassion for the person who comes to say something to me. When before I could just push people away and even yell VERY nasty things to them. When sober, I really don’t see why people get so mad and angry.

I still need to be honest now. Going to a bar that you don’t like when you are sober–> SUCKS! Sorry to break it down to you but I’ve had some good nights sober but mostly, it is just waste of time… And that’s the part where it gets hard to spend time with our friends if the only thing you do is drink and go out.

Couple years ago, clubbing was the thing. Being a little tipsy was a normal state of being. It was awesome to dance the night away with your friends and hunt for some random guy. When I wasn’t partying, all I could remember was the time when I was feeling myself in the bar and as a result wanted to go out again and again. On the dance floor with my best friends not seeing clearly.

 

Now, I see the overall picture. That moment a described lasts for 5 minutes max. The other part of the night is stumbling with talking and walking. Getting lost in the bar. Feeling lonely ’cause your friend went to the bathroom or left you alone to dry hump someone. Upset ’cause the guy doesn’t come at your place. The pieces of glass ruining your shoes and the beer that people spill on your dress. The morning after when you feel like shit.

The morning after the house-warming party, my friend suddenly said: Why couldn’t I do like Meeri and still go to the bar and not drink? And I needed to be honest with her and I said that it takes a lot a courage and patience to go out without drinking. Nobody said it was easy. But when you are drunk, you don’t notice these little things and how miserable place a bar or a club can be. At least in Finland. People want to escape something. Want to find something. But which they will never lose or find in there.

I know ’cause I’ve searched for something. I’ve wanted to escape something. But the answer isn’t there.

sober-at-a-club

Being sober has changed me to think that there are more in life than loosing my sense of being. More to a Friday night than getting high. I’ve discovered what I really like and enjoy and not just going on what we think is “normal behaviour”. I’ve learned that being sober is not lame but quite the opposite.

I want to thank the friends in my life who have shown me an example that there is a way of having fun that doesn’t involve alcohol or drugs. I’m so grateful that I have met these people!

In Finland, unfortunately alcohol is a normalized drug. We all know that it’s not healthy for us. If someone still believes those old articles which say that one glass of red wine = one hour in the gym, could just go back to the elementary school ’cause they’ve missed a very important class called: common sense.

I think we need to stop poisoning ourselves and like a said in my post about ethical lifestyle, this isn’t “do everything at once” but more of a “do something now”. Not saying everyone should be sober and I tend to avoid the term “absolutist” ’cause if I want to have a glass of wine, I can have it. Like a can have a bag of chips or a joint. But most likely, I’m not going to ’cause I know what’s best for me. But we are not perfect and missteps are a part of this journey called life.

 

Although I mentioned my own dear friends, I’m not judging anybody. If you want to drink, you drink. We live in a privileged world where there are millions of possibilities and freedom to choose the life you want. So if drinking is what you want to do, I’m not gonna hunt you down. I know how you feel ’cause I’ve been the worst case scenario. I’m just gonna leave you with this: if you think drinking is freedom, you are trapped in an invisible prison.

party-with-perunavenla

Anyway, I really did have some fun in the house-warming party but it came even clearer to me that drinking is not for me. But having fun with my friends is! I’m so grateful that I have friends in my life who understand me and that we have so much more in our relationships than drinking.

 

If you liked this post, please remember to follow my blog via email 😉 

You are awesome!

Take Care ❤

*Meeri

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