The Perfect Plan

I recently got rejected from a school that I had applied earlier this spring. For the fifth time.

But for the first time I got so close to getting in that I actually thought that this was it. That my perfect plan was coming true.

As I sat in front of the computer looking at a screen that didn’t have my name on it I realized that there is something called the perfect plan but it’s almost never meant to be like that. Without a hustle and without a “detour”. Without learning something first.

 

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Not everything we do and create is gonna be perfect. Sometimes it’s good to accept that life is what it is. I have to admit that I’m still not very good at that…

Accepting the unfinished.

I always try to pursue perfection but mostly just to realize that it is unachievable and constant battle towards it just makes me unfulfilled.

We all have our flaws but when you get to know your flaws and weaknesses, it’s time to make them your strengths or at least learn from them. ‘Cause isn’t life a constant learning experience?

So I’m learning to love the process and letting myself go.

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I’ll let you know a little secret: I love planning! Planning for future projects, trips etc. I love to plan so far a head and so precisely that I end up with so many goals that I can’t even fit into my notebook. Usually it breaks me when those goals don’t go as planned but now since I’m learning out from my perfectionism, it’s not the end of the world if something doesn’t go as I planned. I think that’s why I rose up so quickly from getting rejected ’cause if it’s meant to be, I’ll get there and if not, well: that’s life.

If everything we create isn’t always gonna be perfect, what’s point the of planning? What if you don’t plan at all? For the future or anything else. For your goals and for your dreams? Where would you be headed? Isn’t planning part of the journey? When you are thriving to go somewhere and you end up somewhere you didn’t thought you would. For example if I wouldn’t plan to go somewhere in my life, how could I ever realize the other option that didn’t even exist at first.

Would I have discovered it if I had just stayed still?

Don’t think so.

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OOTD

Skirt: Vero Moda

Shirt: Vero Moda

Shoes: Jeffrey Campbell

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instagram @meerielviira

So it’s good to have plans and vision but it’s also important not trying to force them to manifest precisely as you wrote it on your notebook or visualized it. That’s loving the process of life and going towards your dreams even if it doesn’t go as planned.

 

You are awesome!

Take Care<3

*Meeri

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The Premiere Week of Pippi

So… it’s THE WEEK. The week where it all comes together and 30.6. is the opening night of Pippi Longstockings on the Seven Seas. We have been working with this play for couple months now and it’s finally coming to a place where we can actually let people in to witness what we have created.

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from instagram @meerielviira

 

Needles to say I’m super excited. There have been times of stress and tiredness that I almost lost control but I’m so proud of what we have all accomplished together as a group.

It has been a long journey. All started before we even had began rehearsing our play. We had gigs all over the place for promoting etc. The only thing that was on place was my hair and the songs we needed to perform. But it was fun! Hard at times…but fun!

Pippi is a very iconic character and I’ve almost ripped out my hair (not really ’cause it’s very expensive) that how I’m gonna make it come alive without copying the movie and having my own spin on it. This really is a role of a lifetime and not taking this for granted. I want to represent it as a new but still have to old recognisable vibes that the audience is waiting to see. But I’m confident that hard work will pay off and that the character will continue to grow during the show.

 

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from instagram @meerielviira

 

Other thing that has been on our minds the whole time is our very own pool. Can you imagine we have built our own pool that we can actually use? That actually works and that is freaking amazing! Still freaking cold but awesome! The play is called Pippi Longstocking on the Seven Seas and we have the sea for reals!!!

Unfortunately I know that many of you will miss this play… and I get it. Joensuu is really far away from everything. For those who will come–> I’m not gonna hype this too much but I guarantee you will be happy that you came. This production has so much heart, sweat and tears that it’s gonna blow your mind that this isn’t all “professional” production.

 

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from instagram @meerielviira

 

I think I need to head back to rehearsals but stay tuned for other blogposts about Pippi!

 

cover photo by: Antero Lehikoinen

 

You are awesome!

Take Care<3

*Meeri

at the mouth of the river | STYLE

Hi guys!

I have safely landed to Joensuu and began my lovely summer job as Pippi Longstockings! That of course meant that I had to transform my hair quite a bit. After a while I’m getting used this bright orange! Love this new hair ❤ What do you guys think? 🙂

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Last post I wrote about how I’m longing for structure and luckily I can say that I’m getting there. Things are still a bit hectic and my body is a bit tired and stressed from all of this change and of course from the long wait caused by Uniarts. ‘Cause this is a personal blog and it’s no secret: I applied for one of hardest school to get in (TeaK) and now I’m waiting for the results to roll in tomorrow

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We’ve been busy rehearsing at Teatteri-Traktori and building our very own pool!!! So most of the time, I’m bear faced with just some random sweatpants on. On our days off, I’m making the most of it and dressing up a little. Still I manage to keep my look quite “sporty”!

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OOTD

Dress: H&M

Necklace: Second Hand

Fake Septum: Black Heart

Shoes: Nike Air

Cardigan: Noisy May

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instagram @meerielviira

 

Hoping not to catch a cold, I’m off for rehearsals!

You are awesome!

Take Care<3

*Meeri

Waiting for Change

Hi guys!

How are you doing? I’m doing quite okay. If you follow me on instagram, you know that lately I’ve been struggling with unemployment and all that jazz…

I’m longing for structure. Been learning new things about myself and about life in general but somehow I feel stuck. I’m ready for a change.

So welcome Spring!

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all photos by the great Nelli Yli-Malmi

Spring has never been my favorite season (I get allergy) and although it’s nice to see the nature blooming again, I’m more of a Summer and Fall kinda person.

And this Spring has been a lot of waiting. Waiting for the snowstorm to pass, waiting for the warmth, waiting to see my love, waiting for new things to come, waiting for change…

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There are ideas stuck in my head. Knowledge yet to put into action. I’m on the edge. I can feel it. But this WAITING is driving me insane. Playing with time when I know it’s just an illusion. I need to stop, but how? I need to start, but how?

Loosing my grip was a topic that I touched in my The Power of Habits post and I feel it’s still lurking in my everyday life… Next week I’m moving to Joensuu. I’m finally gonna pick up my working habits again and I couldn’t be more excited. Maybe I just need to wait a bit longer.

Or maybe all this is about learning to enjoy the moment?

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OOTD

Skirt: Vero Moda

Shoes: Jeffrey Campbell

Shirt: Vero Moda

Necklace: Efva Attling

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A little different type of post today but I still hope you liked it. This is after all a personal blog and by no means I’m trying to make the impression that I’m all perfect. Nobody is!

If you want more: make sure to follow my blog and like my page on Facebook 😉

Continue reading “Waiting for Change”

How sobriety has changed me

It’s story time once again! Before you even read this post, I want to clarify: I’m not judging anyone.

Most people I mention in this post are my friends and I have nothing against them or their own personal choices. In this post, I’m just sharing my thoughts about me being sober at a party and how sobriety has overall changed the way a think about alcohol.

 

A while ago I was at my friend’s house-warming party. It was nice and relaxed with just few friends filling up the little 30 square feet apartment. As a Finnish party, there was alcohol involved. If you have read my other post, you know I’ve touched the topic about me not drinking anymore. Which is really huge ’cause I used to drink a lot… I’m gonna do a whole other post about all the benefits when I’ve really discovered all the aspects of being without alcohol. But now, since being over 7 month sober, I think could share some thoughts about it.

But back to the party: I wasn’t supposed to be the only one sober. Another friend was on antibiotics and thought that she couldn’t drink either. Cutting the story short, she did drink eventually, so I was left alone. Nothing odd about that and from the beginning, I was in that mind-set of being the only one without alcohol.

So as people got drunk or tipsy, it was interesting to see how people started to change a bit. I’ve been out partying before without alcohol but this time I really observed how people started to react to things and talking with one another. My friends and some new buddies I met there for the first time, were really in good shape. Not in that teenage “I really don’t know what’s going on”- vibe . But even though their words didn’t stumble and nobody threw up, there was something weird going down…

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The pushing of alcohol. Social pressure is the key why people get drunk or even start drinking in the first place. I don’t think we can argue long about that. First it was fun joke that everyone needed to take a shot as a welcome toast but one of my friend said that she didn’t like the taste. It made her sick to her stomach. Really not the alcohol but the taste. But they pushed and pushed her. Why?

She did take the shot and went straight to the bathroom. Complained that she was feeling bad. Why did they push her? Why did she drank it? I didn’t quite understand.

Same goes for that other friend who wasn’t going to drink at all. But the pressure of others made her do it. If I would ask her now, she’d probably say that she did for herself and not for other people. I’d believe her. Who would want to stay sober at a party?

 

The other thing I noticed that people got upset. I feel that everything goes under your skin when you drink. At least I know from my own experience that when I drank, I would get emotional, violent and hurt over little things. Like usually when I go out, people comment on my appearance or other things and my friends get really protective over me. I find it really sweet but I can sense the need for drama in their eyes. They want to have a fight. They want to feel that they are right and others are wrong. When I’m sober, I feel compassion for the person who comes to say something to me. When before I could just push people away and even yell VERY nasty things to them. When sober, I really don’t see why people get so mad and angry.

I still need to be honest now. Going to a bar that you don’t like when you are sober–> SUCKS! Sorry to break it down to you but I’ve had some good nights sober but mostly, it is just waste of time… And that’s the part where it gets hard to spend time with our friends if the only thing you do is drink and go out.

Couple years ago, clubbing was the thing. Being a little tipsy was a normal state of being. It was awesome to dance the night away with your friends and hunt for some random guy. When I wasn’t partying, all I could remember was the time when I was feeling myself in the bar and as a result wanted to go out again and again. On the dance floor with my best friends not seeing clearly.

 

Now, I see the overall picture. That moment a described lasts for 5 minutes max. The other part of the night is stumbling with talking and walking. Getting lost in the bar. Feeling lonely ’cause your friend went to the bathroom or left you alone to dry hump someone. Upset ’cause the guy doesn’t come at your place. The pieces of glass ruining your shoes and the beer that people spill on your dress. The morning after when you feel like shit.

The morning after the house-warming party, my friend suddenly said: Why couldn’t I do like Meeri and still go to the bar and not drink? And I needed to be honest with her and I said that it takes a lot a courage and patience to go out without drinking. Nobody said it was easy. But when you are drunk, you don’t notice these little things and how miserable place a bar or a club can be. At least in Finland. People want to escape something. Want to find something. But which they will never lose or find in there.

I know ’cause I’ve searched for something. I’ve wanted to escape something. But the answer isn’t there.

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Being sober has changed me to think that there are more in life than loosing my sense of being. More to a Friday night than getting high. I’ve discovered what I really like and enjoy and not just going on what we think is “normal behaviour”. I’ve learned that being sober is not lame but quite the opposite.

I want to thank the friends in my life who have shown me an example that there is a way of having fun that doesn’t involve alcohol or drugs. I’m so grateful that I have met these people!

In Finland, unfortunately alcohol is a normalized drug. We all know that it’s not healthy for us. If someone still believes those old articles which say that one glass of red wine = one hour in the gym, could just go back to the elementary school ’cause they’ve missed a very important class called: common sense.

I think we need to stop poisoning ourselves and like a said in my post about ethical lifestyle, this isn’t “do everything at once” but more of a “do something now”. Not saying everyone should be sober and I tend to avoid the term “absolutist” ’cause if I want to have a glass of wine, I can have it. Like a can have a bag of chips or a joint. But most likely, I’m not going to ’cause I know what’s best for me. But we are not perfect and missteps are a part of this journey called life.

 

Although I mentioned my own dear friends, I’m not judging anybody. If you want to drink, you drink. We live in a privileged world where there are millions of possibilities and freedom to choose the life you want. So if drinking is what you want to do, I’m not gonna hunt you down. I know how you feel ’cause I’ve been the worst case scenario. I’m just gonna leave you with this: if you think drinking is freedom, you are trapped in an invisible prison.

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Anyway, I really did have some fun in the house-warming party but it came even clearer to me that drinking is not for me. But having fun with my friends is! I’m so grateful that I have friends in my life who understand me and that we have so much more in our relationships than drinking.

 

If you liked this post, please remember to follow my blog via email 😉 

You are awesome!

Take Care ❤

*Meeri